Article by Christopher Cobb – United States of America

What is the UK problem? Well, look at its ESC results for, oh, almost
the last twenty years. At the same time, the UK has produced a
reliable stream of popular music. Here are just a few that come to
mind: Adele, Amy Winehouse (RIP), Arctic Monkeys, Atomic Kitten,
Bastille, Booty Luv, Calvin Harris, Coldplay, Culture Club / Boy
George, Dead or Alive, Duffy, Ed Sheeran, Ellie Goulding, Elton John,
Fatboy Slim, Florence and the Machine, Frankie Goes to Hollywood,
Garbage, George Michael, Gorillaz, Groove Armada, Iron Maiden, James
Blunt, Jamiroquai, Kaiser Chiefs, Kate Bush, Kelly Osbourne, La Roux,
Leona Lewis, Little Boots, Morrissey, New Order, Oasis, Olly Murs,
Paul McCartney, Paul Oakenfold, Pet Shop Boys, Robbie Williams, Sam
Smith, Spice Girls (individually or together), Susan Boyle, Taio Cruz,
The Pogues, The Prodigy, Tinie Tempah, UB40, and Utah Saints. Even
Rihanna (Barbados) or Kylie (Australia) could help!

That’s a pretty good variety: new comers to old timers; groups to
solos; producers to over-produced; safe to edgy; pretentious to
ironic; photogenic to good personalities; men to women to gender
non-conforming; and even a few that might be willing to give it a go
if asked. What is the problem?

Here are some ideas:

1. Are there too many big fish in a tiny pond. Is going to ESC viewed
by the UK music scene as too small-time? Is it like a big movie star
doing television? Other nations don’t seem to view ESC that way. It’s
not a sign of weakness to represent your country. Even worse, do the
other nations see this snobbery and punish the UK when it comes time
to vote?

2. The block has crumbled. The big five still offer some support to
each other. England and Ireland still exchange some votes. But, maybe
it’s time for the UK to enter as three or four separate nations. In
other contests (e.g. FIFA, IRU, ICC) the individual nations are given
their own berths in the competition. Why is Eurovision any different?

3. Could it be the “special relationship”? Lots of people resent the
US and its pushy ways. Is the UK punished because of its close ties to
the US? There is a lot of inbreeding between the US and UK music
scenes. Madonna doesn’t even know which accent to use anymore. Calvin
Harris owns Vegas. Does this make the UK an Extraeuropean interloper?

4. Has the UK selection process been dominated by a handful of greedy
producers who are looking to introduce the next big act? A newbie is
easier to manipulate. The producer of the act takes a bigger cut of
the earnings. So, the people deciding who goes to ESC don’t pick from
the sea of proven talent but instead hope to get rich quick with a new
discovery. Except, they aren’t very good at the discovery part and
occasionally have to send an act hoping to make a comeback.

I’m an anglophile by birth. It’s just part of being American. Most of
my European friends are from the UK. We cheer for them every year. We
even have a “nul point” drinking game (our UK friends don’t find that
amusing). I would love to see the UK do better. What needs to change
for this to happen?