by Richard Isaac (Seattle)

Normally a glimpse of the aging members of Lordi in full costume roaming the dusty desert streets in their wheelchairs would be the most memorable moment of the 99th Eurovision Global Song Contest.

But the backstage romance between the Israeli and Palestinian members of their joint delegation has captured most of the headlines in advance of the finals taking place this weekend, May 29–30, 2054. The press broke the story of Shimon and Suleiman just before last weekend’s semifinals, when they were caught at a candlelight dinner on the outskirts of host city Bamako, the other band members nowhere in sight.

Still, since the Treaty of Amsterdam of 2022 put an end to the century-long Middle East conflict, the only scandal the tabloids have been able to find is that their mothers are complaining that the young men hadn’t yet told them.

Mali, named a UNESCO World Music heritage site in 2027, is in full regalia to welcome the 59 delegations, after having finally won with Ali Selif “Elvis” Touré’s rousing “Bembera” last year. Being the first African nation on top in ten years, the country and its capital are putting on a colorful show for the world.

The four quarterfinals — instituted soon after the contest went global in 2033 — went smoothly last month, featuring 111 entries in all: 25 from each zone (12 of which advance), plus the Big Ten and Mali.

In the Americas competition, Cuba and Haiti easily took the top points, and Big Ten members USA and Brazil automatically advanced along with the other top-scoring nations. Canada’s Justin Bieber III did not qualify, however.

In the Asia/Oceania quarterfinal, the Sri Lankan fusion trio Sri Blind Mice squeaked out first place over Papua New Guinea and the other 10 qualifiers, who joined Big Ten members India, Australia, and Korea (which alternates with Japan and China for the East Asia Big Ten spot).

The Africa/Middle East contest, West African nations dominated the top spots, with host Mali also automatically advancing with Big Ten member South Africa and this year’s pan-Arab Big Ten representative, Iraq. The joint Israel-Palestine delegation (the fifth such in 32 years) made a splash with an up-tempo dance number, “Wholly Land.”

Malta continued its lucky streak in the European quarterfinal, joining other “smallies” Liechtenstein, Monaco, Andorra, and San Marino among the top finishers. UK, Germany, and Russia (which alternate with France, Spain, and Sweden for the European Big Ten spots) rounded out the 15 total advancing from the contest’s home ground, including strong contenders Czechia and Vatican City.

Italy (having dropped out in 2041 after four consecutive wins) had been rumored to be returning—again—but in the end decided not to. It was Turkey’s year to compete in the European quarterfinal, but maybe it will have better luck in next year’s Asia quarterfinal.

The 59 semifinalists were, as usual, randomly shuffled without regard to geography into last weekend’s two semifinals, and the top 20 from each (plus host Mali) are being sent along to this weekend’s split finals on Friday and Saturday nights, Greenwich time. (Since 2044, the Big Ten have not had a right to automatically pass through to the finals, allowing for more diversity in the final 41, but five of them made it through this year.)

Of course, since the shows are broadcast globally at different times of day, the vote results will be withheld until the two-hour special on Sunday afternoon, so everyone can see both shows and not lose too much sleep.

There are some surprises among the finalists, including two entries in Esperanto. Since the language restriction was reintroduced in 2021 (allowing songs only in official languages), several nations adopted English as an official language, but EGSC organizers saw through the ruse and limited English songs to the British Isles, Malta, Gibraltar, and other longstanding English-speaking lands, such as Singapore and Liberia. In protest, Esperanto has been revived as a way to reach broader audiences.

Some things remain as they always have: the songs are no longer than three minutes, only six people are allowed on stage, and fireworks and wind machines are encouraged. The hosts’ banter is still generally silly, as are some of the costumes.

Who will win this weekend is anyone’s guess, though. The betting sites favor the strong entries from Malta, Cuba, and the host’s neighbor Burkina Faso. Will Sweden take home its 12th prize? Will dark-horse Laos come from behind? Or will onetime-powerhouse Ireland break its 58-year losing streak? That would sure please the veteran BBC host, 91-year-old Graham Norton!